Way To Ruin A Good Day

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I honestly couldn't believe the fantastic attitude I was in throughout the whole day, I really didn't understand it! It was like an absolute dream even though I should have been stressing out over so many things. You know what, the stress didn't even get to me itself - hell no - my mum did.

You see lately my mum has been overly in my space, I think that she believes I am in my "tough age" and she is trying to make me into an adult, as people in Poland say. You see, the thing is that all I need at the moment is some peace. You guessed it, I'm not getting any.

I came home normally, like any other day. Said hey and all of those. Went off to my room to then have mum bursting her head off about how I didn't tidy up and how I need to blah blah blah... (May I just point out how my room isn't actually as messy as my mum was making it sound, there was just a couple things lying around that I could take out in a few seconds). Unfortunately, my mother doesn't see things that way. She starts screaming even more about God knows what, a lot about my phone too and how I'm supposedly "not listening" to her and other sh*t. And she shouts her head off about 30 different things and makes me a gigantic to-do list, obviously not taking in mind that I have the busiest week in my life so far and I don't have enough time to start with. But going on, I just finish checking all of the Internet stuff when my mum calls me down obviously mad. I'm already in a bad mood, so I take some of the things that I needed to out of my room and downstairs. In the kitchen my mum gives me a massive lecture about how I'm not supposed to put frying pans in the dishwasher (wait for it) and how I "broke" the dishwasher. Once again, I didn't. Literally, it works fine. I checked once she finally left. Then I was upstairs again, checking what lessons I have tomorrow and she blustered that I need to go fulfil the to-do list RIGHT NOW, as if the world would explode or something.

That was the last thing I said to my mum, but obviously it wasn't the end of this terrible, terrible day. After I went to the kitchen and back and started moving things around in my room again, horrible thoughts started cruising my mind. Cruising, ha! more like thundering (with lightning of course). I'm not going to go into depressive detail but one of the thoughts was... "I would just love to destroy this iron against the floor. Actually, better off throwing it on my head, perhaps then you'd actually give a sh*t about me."

I am not a 'very strong person'. Things get to me more that you can imagine. I have thoughts about overdosing my medicine far too many times in my life and it was all to see if you'd treat me differently after. Sometimes I honestly don't see another option, I'm just waiting till I have no breath left, no will to fight, nothing. Or perhaps everything.

Let me be, fair warrior. Be fair, warrior. 

And that's how it is I guess, naturally with everything going on came also a lot of panic attacks and all those. I guess it's some kind of curse - no good day can end well. Not for me, at least.

Love, GABBY