happy-ish

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So, as a person dealing with her own brain most of the time, being happy isn't always the easiest task to fulfil. It's difficult - it being both life and living hah... yes I do consider them two separate things, for many reasons in fact, but I can't be bothered to go into them. Point is, whenever I grasp a feeling of certainty with both what I'm doing and my feelings surrounding my life as a whole, I feel the kind of wonderful happiness that I try to hold onto for however long I can. This type of feeling can be brought by music [at the moment I can thank BTS (including all of the single projects, *wink Agust D*) and The 1975 for a lot of my happiness], friends (who very well should know who they are) and general actions in my life. Panicking about my life and what I'm doing along with if it makes any sense or if has any purpose is always a difficult conversation for me to have with myself, which is why when it results in the vibe of for example Sea by BTS, I feel like I have actually succeeded in something and that's it's not all for nothing.

Keeping yourself in a good mood at every moment is pointless and unrealistic. That kind of ideology hasn't been with me for a very long time now, which is exactly why I really do cherish every moment; the happy, the sad and the in between. Life is life and overall it's not that bad.

This is just me writing while I'm happy in my sadness; essentially I'm feeling down but peacefully down... ah the troubles of explaining anomalies of feelings. Generally speaking, my peaceful sadness is inspiring, uplifting almost, for I know that how I'm feeling is temporary and with my bias Suga rapping in the background (Best of me - BTS), my lovely school work on my left and my wondrous friends just a text away on the right - I feel safe. It's surreal. Almost celestial even. It's the vibe of the evening.

Everyone deserves to be happy. But even if you're not, remember that emotions are a privilege, not everyone can feel so deeply and that is truly magical. You're loved and it will pass. The sun will rise and we will try again. I love you, friends. Go listen to some beautiful music and learn something. The future isn't just after you finish school - it's now, in a minute and tomorrow. Do you and do it your way, because that's the only way that will work. I love you, once again.

lots of love

from a peaceful, head bumping (to the music - now Pied Piper by BTS)

angel gabriella