a wishy weekend, away from all of life's troubles

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I dissolved. I left life and travelled into an uncertified paradise. With a 400+ book in my hand and an invisible list of obligations, I leaped inside the remainders of the broken tree and let myself be embraced by an impeccable story. The whole of Saturday is a blur. The day felt like it was never ending; each hour passing, another being added. Suddenly, everything made sense as much as it did lose its point in existence. Despite the war being held in the background and the illness growing inside of me, the crispy pages kept me company. Sunday, today, was a different story. With the book being finished after the first day, I accompanied myself with a Japanese book, followed by a Spanish work book, all to be concluded with an episode of a Korean drama. Language day, you could call it. But still, despite the issues downstairs - I was unreachable. How could that be?

Somehow, this is where I feel most at peace and troubled at the same time. Suddenly, when people ask me those same old rhetorical questions to which I myself didn't have an answer to merely a few days ago, I am capable of coming up with a series of answers, a series of possible conversational twists and turns. It's strange, that's not up to debate.

En realidad, I am not sure where this is going. This meaning both this very moment as well as this as a bigger, muy largo element of the puzzle. Perhaps it's all deception of some sort? Maybe I'm being slowly led into the rabbit hole, drugged in order to believe I am fine. Somehow, I'm not complaining.

Truly, my love for beauty has resurrected. Suddenly, I find myself being inspired by the single nature of creativity and people again. As I told my friend yesterday - I feel as if I'm 13 again. Strangely, this is both terrifying and wonderful at the same time. At the age of thirteen is when I experienced my first overflows of inspiration, peaking in (terrible) ideas (but peaking nonetheless). Now, I find myself a lot more mature than I used to be and the ideas are also more prominent, giving me a lot more hope than they used to. Similarly, the people in my life are truly magical and better yet - I can't question it. The certainty behind my connections is so wonderful - it's generally quite indescribable.

As I told a friend today, the most important thing in my life is to keep those, who I love, happy. It always has been my prime goal, but speaking of it makes me trust in myself even more. I'm also lucky to be able to say that in those friendships I mentioned, I have developed love for many individuals. Adornment, pure chances of serendipity. This is a delicate side that's so open to everyone, but only few reach out to. I'm not saying that a book (I'll give you the sun is the title, read it, it's truly incredible) saved my life and resurrected me (although it did clear my weekend, as can be seen clearly from what I'm writing), however the idea of life changes in one person multiple times. So much so in fact, that I myself don't believe one can have a single, certain definition of life. I would put money on it. Everyone's opinions change.

Never mind anything - I love you, strange human. I wish you the best and am here for you. Enjoy the happy moments: those past, those upcoming, and those present, though you may not witness them. If you're going through hell, keep going.

with adornment in her eyes

and serendipity leading her way

gabriella says hi

gabriella says hey