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People keep trying to guess who I am, which naturally only makes me laugh. Oh how humorous, to read the brain of someone who professionally reads others. i fell for her too, so i could understand what's going through your head. Honestly, my sense of reading others has been quite low lately. I will try to sit down in a busy place in the nearest time and just observe people again - I've missed doing that.
I seem to be operating in modes. That is a subject I won't touch any further on. The point is that my life is structured in a way that I don't end up packing my most prized belongings into a little red blanket to be tied onto a stick that I shall carry on my shoulder till I reach the wondrous road on the hill leading me off into the sunset. are you happy now? It's a coping mechanism and it will all be fine.
The future seems to be living in my head at all times. My personality, being an INFJ, is hugely responsible for this, but the way my actions are forming up also seem to prompt my brain into investigating the probabilities of my life to come. don't be fooled, i'm not in love with you - i'm just drunk... on love. And yes, there are many aspects involving my future, which I will naturally indulge into now.
Firstly addressing the single idea of growing up and older. We all say how when we were children the only thing we wanted was to be grown up. I remember the fuzziness in my chest I always had when saying those words. Now, I'm trying to get that back. Surprisingly, it's not the big things that excite me for the later days; the details, the moments, the minutes - they intrigue me. Doing massive grocery shopping all by myself for the first time. Eating dinner by the window, peaking into other people's lives. holding your hand while we dance on the kitchen tiles, the lamp being our disco ball. Decorating my own room with that statement armchair that I've always wanted. So on, so forth.
Secondly, I've been overthinking the whole nature of my photography-based work and how I will even find myself in that place. I just keep hoping that somebody will finally ask me to take photos for their magazine or let me do an apprenticeship in their company - whatever it is, just so I can take photos and make money for it to support mine and other people's little loves. It's all to surreal at the moment and everyone keeps telling me that time will solve it all, however I just don't have the time to wait around like that. The boredom eats me up, munches me whole. Everyone knows I have too much time on my hands. Friends who are either far away or not close enough to me... emotionally. i'm such a fool, looking back at our memories. But I guess getting closer to people on an emotional level isn't really my strength at the moment either. Simply said, I don't want people asking how I am unless they actually feel like a couple-hour conversation about all of life's possibilities. I don't want a friendly therapist, more-so a person who feels the obligation to know everything about everybody or feels they owe it to the world to be helpful. Intelligent, intuitive conversations, am I asking for so much? Ah yes, I am indeed. Everyone is too busy to stop for a minute, they keep rushing around and they enjoy their work and their closeness with various people, which I don't belong to heh.
In conclusion, I still feel bad about saying what I think haha. What a final paragraph I'm starting, I know right? every singly lyric makes me think about what you could possibly be doing right now but whatever it is, i hope you're alright. My closest friends would ask me how I am or what is wrong and I just wouldn't be able to answer. I feel bad having these pointless problems. They're nothing and I don't want them to be anything, but they are still horribly stuck in my head and are not allowing me to focus on anything I would generally like to concentrate on.
Secondly, I've been overthinking the whole nature of my photography-based work and how I will even find myself in that place. I just keep hoping that somebody will finally ask me to take photos for their magazine or let me do an apprenticeship in their company - whatever it is, just so I can take photos and make money for it to support mine and other people's little loves. It's all to surreal at the moment and everyone keeps telling me that time will solve it all, however I just don't have the time to wait around like that. The boredom eats me up, munches me whole. Everyone knows I have too much time on my hands. Friends who are either far away or not close enough to me... emotionally. i'm such a fool, looking back at our memories. But I guess getting closer to people on an emotional level isn't really my strength at the moment either. Simply said, I don't want people asking how I am unless they actually feel like a couple-hour conversation about all of life's possibilities. I don't want a friendly therapist, more-so a person who feels the obligation to know everything about everybody or feels they owe it to the world to be helpful. Intelligent, intuitive conversations, am I asking for so much? Ah yes, I am indeed. Everyone is too busy to stop for a minute, they keep rushing around and they enjoy their work and their closeness with various people, which I don't belong to heh.
In conclusion, I still feel bad about saying what I think haha. What a final paragraph I'm starting, I know right? every singly lyric makes me think about what you could possibly be doing right now but whatever it is, i hope you're alright. My closest friends would ask me how I am or what is wrong and I just wouldn't be able to answer. I feel bad having these pointless problems. They're nothing and I don't want them to be anything, but they are still horribly stuck in my head and are not allowing me to focus on anything I would generally like to concentrate on.
i should really stop being so cryptic lol
but it's kinda a mood or sth
i'm writing songs btw
coming soon i guess
i love you, mostly
goodnight, loves
okay, i'm going
hehehe, sorry
goodnight
gabriela
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