don't tell me you love me if you're not going to reply

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Nowadays, more than ever, I don't like expressing how I feel. I'm constantly surrounded by people who muffle up their honest feelings or get laughed at for trying to let them out. This, I assume, affected me as well. Now I am just yet another person, like any other person, but empty.

It's a pain to explain. Most people don't seem to care about emotions, or that's what I have deducted anyway. My perspective on life sucks.

I have a lot of free time on my hands so I am revisiting an old hobby - overthinking. I wonder if people back in say 1900 also had an issue with overthinking or is that more of a 21st century kind of thing. Honestly, if I even manage to structure my thoughts and balance them out according to what is right and wrong, there's always a part of me that is curious; what's hiding in the leaves of a crying willow tree?

People never seize to amaze me. They also deceive me time and time again, however that's not the focus of my concerns at the moment. I'm trying not to down myself, maybe if I tell myself I'm doing fine even if I'm not, everything will look better?

I guess I'm just waiting for something to kill my time and give me some sort of reward - a job? yeah. It's just formalities at this point, a little more time now and I'll be fine, living my life with a job. But that's not the present, that's the near future.

Speaking of, going to London tomorrow. Scary. For many reasons I won't delve into. Humorous, people have started commenting on my strange use of vocabulary recently. Words like indulge and delve. I guess people aren't used to some kind of lunacy from a girl who spends too much time in her brain. Not a shocker really.

Anyhoo, moving on. Later future - back to Poland for Christmas. Exciting, extremely even. Have a lot of hopes for it. That's all.

But honestly, maybe if people stopped thinking they're crazy there wouldn't be any illnesses at all? I'm not saying that mental illnesses are a creation of our imagination, but society sure does pressure them onto us. It's a theory that has some sort of structure to it, I'll leave it to a further discussion.

Now, however, I must leave you all, you crazy readers, for one must sleep and this time, that one is me. The overuse of commas in the previous sentence is disrupting me. But alas, goodnight to all and to all - goodnight.

everyone is emotional

better yet

it's normal

the alternatively happy gabi