as another year ends

 

445

I feel much older than I have felt in a while.

As I write this, my Spotify rings with a familiar playlist, my left and right sides are accompanied by wine and a water-looking-alcoholic drink respectively, and the warmth is everywhere - inside and out.

Nowadays, more than ever, I am upset at the concept of adulting; I wish to be able to relive the simplicity and freeness I had as a younger being. Instead of art and passion, my head is filled with stress and career progress... I feel as though I am only allowed to live to satisfy the life of a future Gab - not the present one. Nowadays, more than ever, I am trying to figure out who I am again, as I don't believe I remember.

For the first time in what feels like forever, I have been left home alone. Granted, this is during Christmas time (which also marks my first lonesome Christmas), however in someway it all helps me on the journey of self-reunion. My door is wide open as it always used to be as a young Gab, my music is loud enough as I had always wished, my walls are embraced with pictures of friends and memories, the wine is room temperature and my feet are warm. I'm comfortable... I think. That, being another concept, which I tend to overthink.

For 2022, I have already made several plans. One of which I am considering, is going back to therapy. I believe therapy is stressful for some people who are aware of some of their issues but are not ready to tackle them. 

As my plans for this coming year brew, I wish you all the best and I hope you can be calm and happy with yourself, by yourself - please do love yourselves.

Thank you.

All my love,
Gab