where am i, actually?

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Oh how the instability of the human brain messes with me...

It's humorous... I actually forget this is online... for everyone's eyes... easy to find. I write - like a lunatic - publish things and then forget about them until to be found again. This blog? I always remember about its existence but rarely feel the emotional connection to be strong enough to tug me back to writing as I used to. In that, I don't mean I'm out of writing or have lost interest in this blog. OH NO, definitely not. But... in that... the emotional strength and motivation I require to be able to truthfully share myself on this platform? Hard stuff. Seriously.

I mean, look at me! Online, this is the only place I actually use proper punctuation and more sophisticated phrasing. Otherwise, all of my online appearances consist of lowercase, strange word jumbles with some kind of delicate spark of a concept... somewhere. This is a different place on the internet... this is where I am right now.

Physically, however? Look at me: London. Crazy. Why? Zed.

Musically? Amidst the various Spotify ads, stopping me from appreciating the wonderful music of Colde and Offonoff (my calm downs).

Emotionally? ERR_0_R

Mentally? Scandinavia.

Artistically? Greek scenes.

Dream-wise? Beautiful, such stupidly beautiful concepts seen through an analogue camera and shared unabashedly with the world, completely content with the presentation and progression of the scenes. Complex? Probably... but it's just a concept; it's inexplicable, so this paragraph proves to be pointless. How pesky.

Locations are always tricky. This post? I'm lost while writing this. I am not here... and yet I am. And I am exactly where I said I am... while also not being there at all.

But I guess that's that, isn't it? Life is a work in progress, and perhaps momentarily I am floating in an indescribable bubble and cannot find my landing point... but all lasts as long as it does, and soon I'll find myself resting again. Hopefully writing more. Hopefully doing more. Hopefully smiling even more than I already do. Half a year ago? This moment would be unimaginable. And yet here I am. Half a year from now? It is unimaginable. Let's carry on without expectations; let's carry on without plans. Let's just keep going, keep growing, keep making mistakes and learning.

I love you

and I love my fast typing

thank you

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hecking

love,

golden-black-rose gab